How To Poop In The Woods

polar bear poopingThere’s a book that many parents read to many kids. It’s called “Everybody Poops”. I think it’s because kids, for some reason, have a hard time not pooping themselves and going in the toilet where the poop belongs. I’ll grant as a kid, taking a nice warm smush in your pants and having someone clean you up without you lifting a finger is nice. I can’t wait until I’m 90 so I can do it again, but I digress.  What I’m trying to say is that if you poop at home where you have a toilet, you’ll poop if you’re in the woods or anywhere else say, in some sort of survival situation.  As long as you got food going into your mouth, you have poop coming out of your bum.

I think a lot of people take for granted the fact that their waste is taken away on a daily basis. Without that, if we didn’t know basic sanitation, we’d all be covered in our own filth. Literally. Ever seen what can happen to a basement in a low lying area when the sewer backs up? It’s horrible.

It comes as no surprise to anyone that keeping your poop far away is very important. That’s what I’m trying to convey here. The most important rule of pooping is to make sure you poop far away from where you are living. You don’t want the feces anywhere near you because it contains bacteria, because it stinks, because it could attract animals. So, here are my rules for pooping in the woods:

  1. Poop far away from your camp area! At least 100 meters away, and preferably completely out of sight (behind a hill, the treeline, etc)
  2. If you are pooping on a hill, be careful that your poop doesn’t roll down the hill towards your camp! Don’t laugh, dry poops can roll.
  3. Always poop in a hole. Dig a hole at least 6 – 8″ deep and bury it when you are done.  This will allow the poop to decompose without the smell getting to you.
  4. Have good bum aim. Try to get it in the hole. Especially if you are pooping on a hill.
  5. Don’t get any on you! Don’t laugh. Make sure you pull your pants down and practice good squatting form. If you don’t want to squat, sit on a log or hold onto something to keep you upright and in a good aiming position.
  6. If you don’t pack in your own camping toilet paper, or you are in a SHTF situation and toilet paper is a luxury you don’t have, you still have to wipe your bum. If you use dry moss or leaves, always, ALWAYS test a patch on your arm to make sure you don’t have an allergic reaction. It’s one thing on your arm, but an allergic reaction on your bum hole is something else entirely.

Happy pooping, everyone!

One thought on “How To Poop In The Woods

  1. Pingback: How to Handle Diarrhea in the Woods | The Redneck Survivalist

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